if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
