Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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