I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sarcasm needs its own font
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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