Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
