im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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