i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've blown a few things in my day
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize