literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
