walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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