I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
