Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just forgot I was standing up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
