I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
