thus making me awesome and them whores
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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