New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
