if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
