You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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