You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize