Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
