Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
