Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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