There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
