Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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