Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
