i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
