Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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