As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
