Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
