I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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