I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Randomize
