Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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