The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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