I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
