did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
