M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
