My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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