so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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