You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Less talking, more tequila
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize
