idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I puked a lego.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
