I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
