I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
