I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize