I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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