I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
