you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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