Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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