Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
