i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
