i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
