Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
