My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
