You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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