Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
