my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
