hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
