4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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