I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
