Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
