New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
