yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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