Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
