meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
