Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
