Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
