Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
