Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
