Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We need a shit load of segways right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
