I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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