I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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