Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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