ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
