I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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