Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
