oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
