Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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