Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
