its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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