if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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