here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize