So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
