You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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