I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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