I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
