Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
